Pacifier Wars

My husband decided that at nearly 2 ½ years-old it was time to take the pacifier away from our son Callum.  So, my husband made a deal with the kid. Personally I think it is easier to make a deal with the devil than with a two-year-old but I acquiesced.  The plan was to trade the pacifier for a “big fish tank.”  While my son was at his cousins’ house for a few nights we filled up the new fish tank with all sorts of fun things like a bubbling volcano and a Sponge Bob character.  He even got a mini-shark and a variety of new fish.  When he returned from the sleepover we took away the pacifier.

Lucky for me, this decision coincided with my return to work.  And, to make matters worse, I signed up for a 5am shift at work so I could spend more time in the evenings with my kids.  Let’s just call this the trifecta of sleeplessness.

Let’s just call this the trifecta of sleeplessness.

To be fair, my son has only been using his pacifier to sleep or when he is really upset and needs soothing.  So my husband did not think that taking it away at this point would be difficult.  He was wrong.  Since the great pacifier-gate my son has barely slept.  He throws a terrible fit every day at nap time.  It can often take two hours to get him to stay in bed for his two-hour nap.

Bedtime has become a complete nightmare.  First he begs us to sit with him while he talks and sings himself to sleep.  Then he offers to give the fish tank away to our cousin Dr. Bob in exchange for the pacifier. This if followed by hours spent alternately crying, screaming, and begging to sleep in our bed. He whines that he needs everything from the potty to a glass of water.  Finally, after a long and difficult fight, he coalesces to the inevitable sleep he so desperately needs.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there.  Apparently the pacifier also helped him stay asleep.  Without it Callum wakes up 2-3 times in the middle of the night.  He starts screaming, tells us he was having a nightmare about stockings (Yes – stockings, like the kind Santa fills with goodies on Christmas), and begs to come in our room and sleep in “Mommy and Daddy’s bed.”

Like all good modern parents we took to the internet for advice.  First we tried letting him “cry it out.”  After listening to him cry from 4am to 6am we both wanted to hang ourselves.  Next we established a bedtime routine. But he would still be awake hours later.  We took baths and read books.  Nothing. We gave him toys and blankets to soothe him in place of the pacifier.  Still awake.  We left the light on. Still too scared to close his eyes. We bought one of those fancy clocks that is supposed to teach your child the difference between night and day.  He would play with the buttons as soon as we left the room. We put a humidifier in his room. I even started bathing him with special sleepy time bubbles.  It felt like we have tried everything.

Sadly, the only thing that has ever worked is the threat of time out.  So, every night we now give our dear son a bath in sleepy time bubbles, read him books, tuck him in with all his assorted toys, kiss him goodnight and leave the light on.  As soon as we walk out of the room the battle ensues.  He cries, we put him in time out.  Then he begs to get out of time out and back to bed.  Finally, a WIN.

Please know that if I seem like a zombie during the day it is because we are fighting a battle in my house every night.